Don't make out with my wife yet
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
