You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Randomize
