four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
