I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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