..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
