I want to walk on stilts...naked
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you mean i was at the winter classic?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
