its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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