And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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