how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
