In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
