There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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