I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
