The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
