He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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