And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
