actually, I'm a sock model
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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