I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
bring money and cleavage
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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