the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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