who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
