Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
