i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
