happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
