The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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