I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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