I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
