I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
