I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize