it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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