Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
