If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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