she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
