even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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