dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
