were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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