you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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