Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize