New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
