I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
