Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
