After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
