Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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