My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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