if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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