I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
