I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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