It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
