I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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