Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize