this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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