No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
