That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize