speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
