Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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