Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
