Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
