Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize