dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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