Your face is a jimmy john
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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