There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
