from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
