I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
