Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
