mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
