dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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