There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
