im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
