She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
