Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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