The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
