I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
