she smelled like a LAN party
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
