Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
