Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
