i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
ttyl tear gas
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
