So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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