So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
