I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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