"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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