I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
