Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
