i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We had to coat check the pizza.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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