i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
