garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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