i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
