Sry I called you an 8
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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