i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
