You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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