we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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