i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Too much gin, very little bucket
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
