so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
