i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
