Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
