my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
