Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
