I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
