i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize