Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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