I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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