No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
