I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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