She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
