my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
