mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
