do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
