Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When are your genitals available?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
