I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
