Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize